Ahhh... the plane ride to DC is but a mere 14 hours away, and the plane trip to see Andrea but a mere 50 days away! There's so much stuff I'm doing this summer, and it all starts tonight. I leave tomorrow morning, bright and early, for D.C. and CI, then after returning I have the work week to collect myself before leaving next Sunday (the 29th) for Work camp and Tijuana, Mex. I get back from that July 5, and again have the 5-day work week to collect myself, wash my clothes, and re-pack for Italy. That's from the 11th to the 20th, and when I get back from that it's nothing but smooth sailing and eager anticipation until I leave on the 8th to go see Andrea. I'm there until the 11th, and fly out for PE, college, and the rest of my life on the 26th. Oh the excitement, oh the joys, oh the sadness. I think it's better that I'm spending so much time away this summer...it allows me the opportunity to let go of my "home" here in Orinda and prepares me well for the transition into college. This entire summer should be a blast! Now all I'm left with is waiting. Waiting, waiting waiting. Waiting for the UPS truck to arrive with my mini-mesh, waiting for the postman to arrive (hopefully) with my boots. Waiting for 4am so we can get on that plane headed eastward. Waiting to finally exhale when I see Andrea for the first time in years--that glorious moment when my devoted faith becomes personified in one instant of time, frozen forever in my memory, and kept forever in the scrapbook of my mind.

What to write about... didn't do much of anything today. Bryce called me around noon (when we both woke up), came over, ate some pizza, then asked me "what next?". I suggested a movie, so the two of us saw "2 Fast 2 Furious". While the movie excels--in step with its predecessor--in the exceptional showmanship of the vehicles, the plot was given less consideration than a homeless woman in New York. Would I recommend its patronization? Sure, if you're into cars. However, those looking for a seat-of-the pants thrill ride or a tear-jerking romance (come to think of it, anything that incites emotional interest) should look elsewhere.

After that we went to the AT*T store to sort Bryce's phone out, then I bought some shorts at Old Navy, then we went to Krispy Kreme to load up on empty calories. With nothing else to do, we raced back home so I could pick up my developed film. After dropping Bryce off, I went to Miramonte to hone my lax skills. Unfortunately, upon finishing I found my car to be rather trapped in the basketball court area by the football field. All gates had been locked and I had no way out. So, I called Bryce and we "created" an exit. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Now I'm home, staring at my forms for CI, waiting for CI, dreaming about CI, dreaming about starting college. I'm bored, it's 9:20, and I want to get out of here and do something. Unfortunately, there's nothing to do. So, naturally, I look up and see my memory board. What an appropriate name, especially in my case. I recall Tijuana--every year--, the various friends I've made, the good times, the bad...everything. WIth a sigh, I look back down to the monitor greeted only by my words, whose presence provide little comfort and even less security. What am I to do...

Oh yeah, I forgot to add... I'M VISITING ANDREA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's definitely the season of change...the weather has turned warm and CI is quickly approaching; with those two come the next step in my life and as far as I can tell I am holding on as dearly as possible to my past, not wanting to confront my future. Just tonight at dinner I realized--and verbalized--how much I want the old house in Richardson back. The more I thought about growing up there and the deeper I delved into the nostalgia of reminiscence, the more I wanted to re-gain the title to that house. Memories of my childhood, the time I spent in that house, the fun I had in that neighborhood, and the infinite laughs that echoed off the bare and 80's-styled walls of that home barraged me from all sides as I sat at the dinner table, and I soon fell into that clichéd gaze that told everyone that my mind was no longer at the dinner table nor in California. Suddenly, I felt compelled and urged to set a goal for myself: that I would reacquire that house at any cost and make it my home again. Admittedly, this is a long-term goal as years of school lie in wait directly ahead of me, but it is a goal nonetheless.

My mother, being the ignorant woman she is, started listing all the remodeling changes the new owners had affected on my former home. A fire began raging within me, and I felt angry and violated that they would dare change a thing in that house. I want those walls and floors to be the way I remember them. So when I finally buy the house back, everything is going to the way they were. I will raise my children in that house, and they will enjoy the secure adolescence that I had.

Traffic school today, and it sucked! The only reason I survived was cuz I spent most of the time chatting with this dude I met who lives in Modesto. You should know that the session was held in Antioch, so this guy had to make like an hour and a half's worth of a commute just to get there! So that's what I did for most of the day: 7:00AM - 4:00PM. Then I came home, put on some shorts, went out to the lax store, bought two dozen balls, and spent an hour or so at MHS shooting and hitting the wall. I only lost one ball! Now i'm recovering and cooling down... bb-q with dad tonight for daddy's day, and after that, who knows what might happen...i really want to go to Indian Rock! Any volunteers to accompany me?

Graduation, grad night, and all its festivities have come and gone...and yet I really don't feel that much different. Maybe it's because I never formed the tight friendships and relationships during high school that so many of my peers had; perhaps it is because my life has been lived as an individual apart from the crowd. Whatever the reason, the bonds and connections just aren't there and I have all summer to wonder why...why is it so hard for me to allow myself to become close to people?